I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
