I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
