i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
