i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
