I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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