So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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