apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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