I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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