So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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