Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
