i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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