sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
