I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
