we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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