Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
