okay pat passed out under dana's car
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
