my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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