I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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