girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Everything about him screamed your future.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
