Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
