i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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