I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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