Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
