just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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