i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
