Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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