my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
