Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
how does that bad decision feel?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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