She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
