I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
