I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
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My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
sarcasm needs its own font
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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