Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
