you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's get the cat blown out
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
