I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I fill condoms, not promises.
did you just send me my own nude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
