i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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