Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
