I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.