put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.