i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site