This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.