you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?