i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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