then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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