I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
