fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drunk is not a location!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
