I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i need some magic done to my vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
