So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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