she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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