Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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