In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm getting married
To pizza
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
