He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
