She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
