3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
