I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
