They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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