Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
