My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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