I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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