I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
