i was born a porn star she said
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
