he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Blood and glitter go together right?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You ate ashes out of my bong
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
