Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
