so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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