I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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