i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
