I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
