Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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