so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
birth control should be required to get into college
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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