I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
