if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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